Paradise
by WitchGirl
Summary: "Time can heal all wounds, but the reminder of a scar will stay."


Paradise  
  
Summary: "Time can heal all wounds, but the reminder of a scar will stay."  
Disclaimer: I do not own the familiar characters blah blah blah. Oh, and the song that's playing on the radio is called "In Spite of the World" by The Ataris.  
  
  
"Come on."  
"No... I can't."  
"You want to. Now come on."  
"I can't leave."  
"You can. It's time to let go."  
"What will they do?"  
"They will miss you. But it's time to go. You have to understand that. They will get over you and be happy again. Soon it will be their time to go, too," she held out her hand lovingly to the soul in two minds about leaving. The soul looked back at its body, then to the angel offering her hand. The angel sighed. She remembered when she had been in that young boy's shoes. Looking from her body to the angel offering eternity to her. The speech was routine, she learned now, to get the souls to listen to them. To the question 'Where are we going,' the answer would be 'paradise; all you ever wanted!' To the question, 'What will they do?' the answer would be, 'They will miss you, but they will learn to deal. They will be happy, you need not worry.' To the question, 'Who are you?' the answer would be, 'A friend.' Of course you could switch the words around, which this angel often did. Lucy became a guiding angel soon after she died. She knew the hospital and the doctors so well, it made her smile to see them again whenever she had to come guide someone Home. Guiding angels didn't just guide. They did other things, but guiding was something they did alone. Only they could come back, no other. Only a guiding angel could travel to the world before. It was a privilege others didn't get. Even a guardian had to watch their client from Home.  
"Come now, you cannot stay," Lucy said, sweetly to the young man before her. *So young,* she thought, and added with a sad smile, *Like me.* It was true. The boy before her seemed no older than nineteen.  
"Why can't I?"  
"I know you want to stay. But you can't. You must come with me. Don't you want all you ever dreamed of to come true? It can!"  
"But I want to stay!" he was stubborn, Lucy had never met anyone like him before, but she knew what to do.  
"I know how you feel, I really do," she told him with understanding and compassion, "I died in this same hospital with the same surgeons trying to save me. They are- were my friends," she corrected herself, and nodded to the doctors, "They are good people, they really are. Now, if you come, I will tell you my story. You will see them again, you can watch them from Home if you wish. But you must come with me now."  
"Will I ever speak with my friends and family again?"  
"When they come Home, you may," she answered, honestly.  
"What is your story?" he asked, "I don't even know your name."  
"Lucy, Chris, my name is Lucy Knight. I will tell you my story. Now come," she held her hand out to him again. He stared at it for a minute, then looked at Lucy's kind face and took it.  
"All right," he smiled and looked back at his family looking in at the surgeons trying to save him.  
"What was it you loved most about life?" Lucy asked, "What did you want to be?"  
"I wanted to be a teacher. I love knowing that I made a difference in someone's life by teaching them. What I loved most? I loved the ocean," he closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he was not in the hospital, he was at the beach with Lucy by his side, "This is my favorite beach!" he exclaimed. Lucy nodded.  
"It's Home," Lucy looked with longing over the vast expanse of sea to the horizon and it's glowing moon rising over it.  
"Tell me your story, Lucy," Chris pleaded, like a child wishing to be told a bedtime story. And Lucy began.  
"I was a medical student interning at Cook County General Hospital..."  
  
Lucy flipped her hair, walking down the hall of the County General once more to pick up another patient who was to go Home that day. She watched Jing-Mei Chen run frantically past her, knowing Jing-Mei (or 'Deb' as some called her) would not see her. There was a tense atmosphere in the air as Peter Benton came running in through the ambulance bay doors and jogged nearly straight through Lucy if Lucy hadn't jumped out of the way.  
"Where's the fire?" she called after him, knowing he wouldn't hear. She got used to the fact of seeing and hearing her old friends but them not being able to see or hear her. Sometimes it was even funny or special to watch Dave do or say things he wouldn't dare do or say in front of other people, or to be the first to discover Kerry's homosexual side. But sometimes, it hurt to see Carter consciously and deliberately harming himself with drug abuse or the sorrow in Mark Greene's eyes when his father past away. But that was the way things were and Lucy was not to interfere unless she was told. Who gave the orders? Even she didn't know. All she knew was what was told to her. Who told her? She didn't even know that. What happened was whenever she had a question about something, she always had an answer as soon as she asked it. She knew she didn't answer them because some of the answers she didn't like. But she knew someone did. Someone knew she had asked a question and they did her a favor by answering it. She continued down the hall, dressed as a casual person in black slacks and a dark blue cardigan. There was a tense air to the place, but Lucy brushed it off. She went up the stairs to surgery and found Peter again working with Elizabeth Corday.  
"OK, Peter, who's dying today?" she asked him, half-laughing. This was no joke, it's true, but Lucy had learned that it was good to have a light attitude around her clients when they are about to go Home.  
"Lucy?" a voice asked. Lucy stopped approaching Peter and Elizabeth, who were hiding the patient from Lucy's view.  
"He's crashing!" Elizabeth shouted.  
"No, he can't be!" Peter cried, working more fiercely on the patient.  
"That's not Carter..." Lucy shook her head. But suddenly, she knew it was. For the first time since she died, Lucy didn't believe herself or whoever it was who told her who the patient was.  
"No, that's not Carter!" she whispered, "Don't let that be Carter!" but in her head she kept hearing it was Dr. John Truman Carter lying there, ready to go Home.  
"Lucy?" the voice asked again. She was hidden from him just as much as he was hidden from her. Lucy ran to the bed and saw her old supervisor awakening. Not his body, but his soul.  
"Oh God..."  
"What are you doing here?" Lucy ignored the question and looked up at the ceiling.  
"Why me? Damn it, why not another one? Like Janine or Matthew, or-or-or..." but she knew as she always knew. *I know him best,* she thought, *I would be the most likely to persuade him,* "But he's my friend, what do I say to him?" again, an answer. She let out a sigh and pasted on the smile she always gave to her clients.  
"Hello, Carter," she said, as if greeting him in normal circumstances.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I've come to take you Home."  
"I am home," Carter didn't understand.  
"No, Carter, we need to go Home."  
"Where is Home?"  
"It's paradise. It's all your dreams come true."  
"What about them?" Carter gestured to Peter and Elizabeth, "What will they do without me?"  
"They'll learn to deal. They will miss you, they always will, but they will learn to be happy again, just as they did when I died."  
"But they didn't!" Carter protested. This reply shocked Lucy.  
"What?"  
"I nearly fell apart without you!" Carter told her, "Maybe it looks like they got over it and maybe they did. Maybe I did. True, I got my life back together again and got on without you, but I never forgot that day," his words reminded Lucy of something she had once heard when she first became a guidance angel and never really understood until now.  
"Time can heal all wounds but the reminder of a scar will stay," she whispered out loud. Carter nodded. Lucy sighed.  
"Carter... I had no idea. I thought you were fine, I thought you were over me," again, Carter nodded. Lucy was puzzled and Carter repeated the words Lucy had just uttered.  
"Time can heal all wounds but the reminder of a scar will stay. I was over you, Luce, but it still hurt. I soon learned to accept the fact that you were gone and that there was nothing I could do to change that... But I never forgave, or forgot," Lucy bowed her had, sadly.  
"I'm sorry I made you feel that way, Carter," she sighed, but she smiled, "But I am happy where I am and you will be too. OK, maybe they won't get over this completely but soon, it will be their time to... to go... to go..." But she couldn't say it. It was all she could do to keep herself from breaking down into tears. How could she take Carter? He still had a long life to live ahead of him. Going against everything she knew was right, she said, "Stay, Carter, they need you here," in her head, she kept hearing someone screaming at her, ordering her to take Carter.  
"But..."  
"I'm supposed to take you, but I think you should stay. They need you here, Carter."  
"Will you get in trouble for not taking me?"  
"I don't know," Lucy answered, truthfully, "I've never done it before."  
"I'll go with you, Luce. I want to," this nearly broke her heart. She had to take the life away of someone she cared so much for. Why had she been chosen? Why did they want her and only her to bring John Carter home?  
"Carter..."  
"I don't want to get you in trouble, Lucy."  
"I..." She honestly didn't know what to say. For the first time since she died she had no idea what to say. Carter held out his hand to hers. Against her will, her hand lifted to meet his. She didn't want to do this. But why? She was taking him home, to paradise. But he was leaving behind his friends, her friends, and his life. As soon as her hand touched his, she knew she had to do it. Smiling weakly, she led him out of the room, with one last look at Benton and Corday's sorrowful face as they gave up on their colleague. They walked down the halls.  
"Wait..." Carter told her, "Let me stay. Just a little longer," Lucy nodded and Carter watched with deep sorrow as Elizabeth and Peter exited into the hall. Lucy and Carter followed Peter and Elizabeth downstairs. Peter approached Kerry Weaver, on her crutch and told her the bad news. Carter actually thought he saw a tear stream down her cheek as Randi came up to them. Kerry whispered something to her and Randi nodded, understanding.  
"Will they be OK?" Carter asked Lucy without taking his eyes off of his friends.  
"I used to think so," Lucy answered, "Until you told me otherwise," Abby ran up to Elizabeth Corday, who had hid her face in her hands.  
"Dr. Corday... How is he?"  
"Abby... There were... Complications..." Elizabeth tried to say. Abby's eyes grew large and her face grew pale as she took in a deep breath. Giving Corday one last look, she turned and ran back down the hall.  
"Come on, Carter, I can't watch this," Lucy urged.  
"I don't think I can either," Carter told her. And so, they turned and walked out of the hospital. The moment they stepped out of the building, Lucy felt the sand beneath her feet.  
"Not another beach freak!" she said to Carter. But Carter wasn't listening. He was looking out onto the clear blue sea. Lucy turned. This wasn't any beach. It was an island. And beyond the beach was a tropical rainforest. Lucy felt the rays of the warm sun beat down on her and felt the grains of sand stick in between her toes. She saw Carter proceed to the water, now wearing a scuba suit. He dived into the water and then surfaced again.  
"Come on, Luce, there's a whole reef down below!" he called to her. Lucy grinned and looked at her new attire, a scuba suit of her own. Lucy ran to the waves and dived into the warm ocean. She met Carter under the water and they swan deeper into an underwater world that took their breath away. The reef was gorgeous and there was every kind of fish! Clown fish, angelfish, and all sorts and sizes from the tiniest minnow, to large dolphins. They explored the reef, having a magnificent time.  
"You see the kinds of fish there that you wouldn't see anywhere else!" Carter exclaimed later when they rose for air. After hours of exploring, they had surfaced, "And I didn't know dolphins like reefs!"  
"Well, it doesn't matter! You wanted to see as many fish as possible and that included the kind you wouldn't normally find in a reef, correct?"  
"Yeah."  
"Then that's what happened! You must realize, Carter, that anything you wish will come true here," Lucy told him.  
"I love it here," he sighed, smiling at her. Lucy smiled back.  
  
Lucy closed her eyes and felt the dewy grass beneath her. Even though it was dark, she felt the shade of the grand oak that towered over her. She opened her eyes and smiled at the diamonds that scattered the sky and whose light made its way through the tree branches. This was her paradise. This was where she was when she wasn't working. This was her home. Under the stars on top of a small hill by the single, tall oak tree, relaxing. She watched the stars dance and the constellations blink. She loved the stars. But she felt something was wrong in the world below. She had to see the others. They didn't let her see them after she died, but she hadn't been a guiding angel then. Now, she was, and she wanted to make sure they were OK.  
  
Lucy kicked her feet back and forth like an impatient child waiting in chairs. Her hands were deep in her pockets and she was looking down at her knees.  
"Mrs. Daily?" Lucy looked up at the sound of Luka Kovac's sad voice.  
"Yes?" a woman stood up and went over to Dr. Kovac. Kovac smiled at her. Lucy decided he was the one she wanted to see and followed Luka and Mrs. Daily out. Luka led Mrs. Daily into an exam room and she sat on the bed. She was in her mid to late forties and her blond hair had some gray to it. She was clutching her wrist.  
"I think I broke my wrist," she told him. Luka nodded and took some x-rays. Lucy watched as he did. His mouth was straight and his eyes were blank. He couldn't believe what had just happened.  
"Poor, sweet, Luka," Lucy sighed, placing her hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, feeling her touch. Lucy knew he felt it. It felt like being caressed with sunshine from the inside your body; a warmness that touched not only your heart, but your soul. Lucy let go and Luka was cold again. She shook her head sadly. Lucy left the room and saw Elizabeth in the hall, leaning against a wall.  
"It's so depressing down here!" Lucy declared, to no one. Elizabeth was staring at the ceiling.  
"I don't get it!" she complained, "First I couldn't save Lucy, then I couldn't save Carter!" a tear streamed down her cheek, "I'm sorry, both of you! Please forgive me," Lucy hated this part. She gave Elizabeth a big hug and this dried her tears. She had no idea why she felt so good all of a sudden.  
"Oh Elizabeth!" Lucy exclaimed, "It's not your fault! Carter and I are perfectly happy where we are! Really, believe me, hear me!" she nearly burst into tears herself, "Please, Lizzie, hear me, hear me!" she begged. And for a moment, when Elizabeth turned her eyes to Lucy's own, Lucy had the strangest feeling Elizabeth didn't only hear her, but that she saw her too.  
Lucy left Elizabeth. As she walked through the hospital, she felt an air of sorrow. She found Peter Benton, hiding in a dark exam room, staring at the wall, his eyes blank and his face expressionless.  
"Peter..." Lucy sighed, "This must be really hard for you too," she took Peter's hand, but instead of enjoying the consoling she offered, he shuddered and pulled his hand away. Lucy was puzzled.  
"He doesn't feel as if he should be comforted. He feels like he doesn't deserve to feel happy at all. He thinks it was his fault, Luce," Lucy turned at the voice and saw Carter leaning casually against the doorframe.  
"John!" she exclaimed, "What are you doing here?"  
"I needed to talk to you, Luce. I got permission to come."   
"How did you know how he felt?"  
"Because I felt exactly the same when I lost you," Carter's face was solemn and Lucy didn't like it.  
"What is it, John?"  
"I want to go back," Lucy was shocked by this answer.  
"Aren't you happy here?"  
"Happier than I ever have been."  
"Don't you want to be with me?"  
"Always, Luce, I love you."  
"Isn't it paradise?" Carter paused before answering, "Isn't it?"  
"Paradise," he finally sighed, "Is nothing when you are lonely."  
"But I'm here!" Lucy protested, "And I always will be! Here for you! Here for them! Always!" there were tears in Lucy's eyes. As much as she had resisted in taking Carter, she didn't want to let him go, to lose him again.  
"I know that, Luce. But they need me. Lucy, look at them! Look at Peter!" indeed, Peter was more than depressed, "It breaks my heart to see them like this!"  
"They will recover, John," though now, she knew that was a lie.  
"You know they won't," Carter shook his head, sadly, "Come, I want to show you something," he led Lucy down the hall and into the bathroom where sobbing could be heard from behind one of the stalls.  
"She does this every night," Carter shook his head.  
"Abby..." Lucy sighed. Abby opened the door, her eyes were red and her cheeks were tearstained. She wiped her eyes with her hand and began to wash her face over at the sink, "Abby..." she stroked her hair.  
"Don't touch me!" Abby snapped, angrily, so suddenly it made Lucy draw away in shock.  
"She knows you're here unconsciously," Carter told her.  
"Will she ever recover?" Lucy questioned her own lie.  
"It will take time, they will be happy again, sure. But a part of them will always miss me, miss us. A part of them will always wish we were with them. And a part of us will, too," Carter had grown wise in the short time he had been here and it took him two weeks to discover what it took Lucy two years.  
"How did you get so smart all of a sudden?"  
"I ask questions," Carter smiled.  
"You're right," she agreed, "Will they allow it?"  
"I don't know."  
"I'll miss you, Dr. Carter," she smiled, weakly.  
"No you won't."  
"What?" she didn't understand. Carter's face broke into a smile.  
"I want you to come with me."  
"That's impossible!"  
"It isn't. Come on," Lucy had an answer, as she always had an answer. Yes. She was to go with Carter, to follow him, to trust him. Carter led her to the roof.  
"Take my hand," he told her. Lucy did so as they stepped up onto the wall of the roof. Lucy knew what he was doing.  
"On the count of three," she smiled, "One, two..."  
"Three," Carter finished, and they jumped.  
  
"OK, Lucy, stay with us, now, girl come on!" Lucy heard Romano's voice faintly.  
"That's it, Lizzie, we've done all we can," and they waited. And waited. *Not this again!* Lucy pleaded. But then, the welcomed rhythm of a steady heartbeat. Romano and Elizabeth heaved a great sigh without knowing they had both been holding their breath. Elizabeth smiled warmly. She knew that Lucy would make it.  
  
"Do you ever get the feeling we aren't supposed to be here?" Lucy asked Carter one day as they trudged through the thick, cold snow at night.  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, I just have the strangest feeling... Something isn't right," Lucy thought about this often.  
"What, you think you should be working at another hospital?"  
"No, not that," Lucy shook her head, "I... I don't know. I just don't feel as if this is how things are supposed to be. Did you ever wake up from a dream and... feel like you were still sleeping?" she asked him. Carter looked at her, puzzled.  
"What do you mean, Luce?" he asked her.  
"Well... I have," she told him, "Every night," Lucy stopped as they entered Doc Magoo's and she welcomed the warmness. Over the radio, a song began to play.  
  
"I woke up from this dream to find out I was sleeping  
So I went back to sleep and I dreamed I was awake.  
I locked myself inside but you were on the outside  
I stood outside and watched but I couldn't let you in.  
Maybe you could see inside yourself."  
  
Lucy ignored it and continued, "Don't you feel that the world has changed?"  
"No, I think the world is as it should be," Carter smiled at her. They both sat down in a booth and Lucy stared out the window up at the beautiful stars and whispered to herself,  
"Is it?"  



End file.
